What Would It Cost to Buy Every Product Advertised During the Super Bowl?

Gotta buy ‘em all!

Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Mark Wilson/Getty Images, Pablo Blazquez Dominguez/Getty Images, and Amazon.

Once a year, the National Football League canvasses every business, political campaign, and private equity bust-out operation in the country to ask them one important question: Do you love professional football so much that you are willing to pay $10 million a minute for access to the personal eyes and ears of your fellow football fans? The result is a comprehensive list of the products and services true football fans should purchase in 2020, both to demonstrate their love of the sport and to reward the corporations who helped fund the Big Game. It can be a daunting task, so to help you out, this year Slate is building a shopping list of every product advertised during Super Bowl LIV, complete with the estimated price and a running total to buy one of everything. Are you a big enough football fan to collect the whole set?

A few notes on the methodology: Only full-screen Super Bowl ads during the game count—get out of here with your pre-shows and network bugs—and local ads will be taken from the broadcast on KTTV in Los Angeles, California, the home of Slate’s Center for Extremely Useful and Important Consumer Research. We’ll be using $9.08, the average price of a movie ticket nationally, as the cost for any upcoming movies advertised during the game. For items for which a national average price was not readily available, we’ve used the price at Super Bowl advertiser and frequent labor law violator Walmart, and we recommend you show your support for your favorite football team by doing the same. We’ll be updating the throughout the game, so check back to see how much you’re on the hook for!

A Ticket to Fast 9 – $9.80

Fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast. That’s the Fast 9 promise!

One Year of Quibi – $59.88

You could upgrade to an ad-free version of Quibi for an extra $34.92 a year, but then how would you know what products or services to buy to show your support for Quibi?

Tide Power PODS Heavy Duty, 48 Ct. – $21.44

Make next year’s Super Bowl party a night to remember by feeding your hungry boys a tray of delicious heavy duty Tide Power PODS!

The Masked Singer’s Post-Super Bowl Episode – Free!

All you have to do is leave your TV on after the game, and you’ve already started your journey toward true fooball greatness!

The Datona 500 on Fox – Free!

Assuming you already own a television and live near a Fox station, all it will cost you to watch football’s biggest automobile race is a few hours of your life. And you’ve got plenty of those, right? Right?

Donald Trump 2020 – Your soul, your future, your children’s lives

I’m not going to lie to you: voting for Donald Trump for president in 2020 to show that you’re a good football fan is an expensive proposition. But it costs a lot to put on a Super Bowl every year, too, and you don’t hear the NFL complaining about that. Do your part!

That’s a running total of $90.40, plus your soul, your future, and your children’s lives, which seems like a lot at first, but ask yourself this: is any price too high to pay to support football?

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