2020年9月1日 星期二

How Screen Time Can Be Good For Your Kids

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Anna is sure the amount of time her two children spend on YouTube or Roblox cannot be good for them. With remote learning this fall, Anna is worried their addiction to screens is only going to worsen, stunting their imagination and exposing them to dangers online. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, to help Anna figure out the most constructive ways to monitor and guide her children’s screen time. The first step, Devorah says, is to realize not all screen time is created equal. Stop thinking of technology as the enemy. Instead, how can you help your kids translate their obsession with video games or social media into real-world skills?

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Put Down Your Phone.”

Do you have a bad habit you need to break? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John and Rachael Allen.



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Help! Is My Baby Too White for This Name?

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Danny is online weekly to chat live with readers. Here’s an edited transcript of this week’s chat.

Q. Baby names and cultural appropriation: My husband is Black, and I’m white. We’ve been trying for a baby lately, and while thinking up names, my husband suggested his mom’s name if it’s a girl. She died when he was a teenager, but from everything I’ve heard about her, she was an admirable woman who I would have loved to know. I’m on board with this idea; I think it’s a fitting tribute. The problem is that I don’t know if our child will look more Black or more white to people, and his mother’s name is one that is very associated with Black women in America. I don’t want people to see two “white people” together and assume that I just co-opted a name most often used by Black women because I thought it was cool or trendy. At the same time, I don’t want to name my daughter based on what other people will think of us and want to be able to honor my husband’s mom. Can we still name her this? Can I feel OK not explaining that she’s mixed-race every time we tell someone her name and inevitably get weird looks from other white people? Am I being an asshole?

A: I think you should listen to your husband and to the part of yourself that doesn’t want to choose your child’s name based on what strangers might think of her someday. Your child is going to be Black and biracial regardless of her appearance, and I don’t want you to think you have to resolve or reassure the curiosity of other white people if she doesn’t always read as such to them. To that end, please do not plan on explaining “she’s mixed-race” to white people who may (or may not) look curious when they meet her or hear her name or anything else. If strangers ask intrusive questions or indirectly communicate surprise upon meeting your daughter, they are being rude and entitled. You should not work to reassure them or satisfy their idle curiosity, but cut them off and draw them up short. Implicit in your statement “I don’t know if our child will look more Black or more white to people” is the idea that if she looks “more white” than otherwise, you should de facto treat her as a white child, and vice versa. That’s not to say that her life won’t ever be informed by her appearance, but regardless she’s going to have a Black parent, a Black extended family, a Black history, and a relationship to Blackness that’s all her own, one that’s not dependent on the judgment of white strangers. It may very well be that you and your daughter encounter “weird looks” from other white people when you two are out together, but the best response to that is not to develop a policy of explaining her ethnicity to such people. You can teach your daughter to dismiss rudeness, to refuse to concede that strangers have a right to demand she resolve their discomfort with perceived racial ambiguity, and to cultivate pride and appreciation for her own Blackness.

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Q. My neighbor thinks he’s family: I live in a small town in the mountains. Our neighborhood doesn’t have fences for the most part (it helps the deer roam freely without clipping a heel on the chain-link), and we all live on a half-acre lot or more. I recently renovated my backyard to include a sitting area with a fire pit. I have an older neighbor who is living, alone, five states away from his wife (odd, I know). I am a middle-aged family man with four kids, and we love sitting out and looking at the mountains with our new fire pit. However, every time we’re outside trying to have a bonding experience, this lonely neighbor comes over and wants to talk about his day (remember, no fences, so he can see the fire from acres away).

I like this neighbor and he’s a great guy, but I can’t seem to enjoy alone time outside with my family without him coming over. We’ve stopped using the fire pit/seating area outside because of fears we’ll have to entertain the neighbor for hours. My kids even asked me recently, “Are we ever going to sit out again before it gets too cold?” and I said “We would, but I don’t want to entertain the neighbors.” I don’t want to be rude—I just want to use my new backyard addition without neighbors joining in. I don’t want to hurt the feelings of a friend and neighbor, but would love to enjoy my yard alone. What do I do?

A: Chat with him for a few minutes—really, just a few minutes—and then say, “Thanks for stopping by! We’re going to get back to [dinner/our conversation/stargazing], so I can’t keep catching up, but have a great rest of the evening.” You don’t need a fence to politely end a conversation, and it’s not rude or hurtful to end a conversation with your neighbor, no matter what his relationship with his wife is like. Telling your kids “We can’t sit in the backyard because I don’t know how to say no to a friendly neighbor” sends a really strange message about boundaries. You’re not sending the Little Match Girl out to die of exposure if you say, “Nice to see you, Fred, but I can’t catch up just now.” You’re just ending a friendly conversation, which is a perfectly normal thing to do.

Q. In love with my best friend: For lots of reasons, I ended up moving in with my best friend during the pandemic. I think I’m falling in love with them. It’s the little things—cuddling on the couch watching TV, going on a walk and then spontaneously holding hands, lots of hugging and physical affection—and just the other day they made a joking comment, “If you ask me, we should totally get married,” and then made another joke about being friends with benefits (we’re both single and were talking about how COVID has made us both sadly celibate). The signs are clear, right? But at the same time, we’re roommates and I’m afraid if I tell them my feelings, I’d lose my best friend. Do you have any insight? I think the safer option is to keep quiet, but I’m afraid of losing what could potentially be a loving romantic relationship. I’m just afraid I’m seeing something that’s not actually there.

A: I don’t think you’re imagining things. Lots of best friends are affectionate, but if yours has suddenly started holding your hand on long walks together, cuddling on the couch, and suggesting the possibility of sex and romance, I think you can safely say the signs are there. If you decide you don’t want to risk the friendship by saying anything, that’s fine, but you certainly don’t seem to be reading too much into ambiguous or platonic gestures. Obviously the fact that you live together makes things a little more complicated. But given the situation you’ve described, I think saying something like “I’m not sure if you were joking the other day when you talked about being friends with benefits. If you were, that’s fine. But I think our relationship has taken on a new charge lately, and I like it, and if you feel the same way, I think we should give it a shot” is likely to go over pretty well. You’re already holding hands and joking about marriage, which is to say you’re already taking a substantial portion of the “risk” inherent in adding sex and romance to a friendship. Talking about it isn’t that much riskier—it just means you’re acknowledging what’s already there.

Q. My partner needs their own social life: When my partner and I first started dating years ago, if I would go to a party or to hang out with friends, he would get upset if I didn’t invite him. It reached the point where I started inviting him to everything to avoid his complaining about not being invited. Years later, I can’t get time with friends without him. I have essentially become our event planner. He doesn’t do any work to maintain friendships with his own friends. So he never has plans. His only social life is through friends he met through me and only when I take the initiative to make plans, and friends always invite my partner when they have parties because it’s just assumed we will come together. We’ve talked about this before, and my partner claims he isn’t as insecure as he was in the beginning and doesn’t have a problem with me hanging out with friends without him. However, because my friends always invite us as a couple and he never turns down an invite because he never has anything else going on, I never get the chance to see friends or do anything without him. It’s great that my friends and he get along so well, but I am starting to feel like everyone is treating me like I am not my own person anymore. How do I get space?

A: Invite your friends to hang out with you—just you, by yourself, and make it clear in your invitation that you’re looking for one-on-one time, or at least time without your partner. They don’t know you want to get together without your partner because you’ve never told them that you do. All they know is that you always bring him to parties and get-togethers, so they have every reason to assume that’s how you prefer to socialize. Make your own chance to do things without him! Take him at his word when he says he’s got a handle on his insecurities, and schedule a tête-à-tête with one of your friends right away.

It may be that, as you start to reestablish your own social life, you find yourself increasingly frustrated by your partner’s lack of independence. Pay attention to that!

Q. Not your name: My mother, “Amelia,” married a man with two daughters. She was killed in a robbery when I was 17. She was good and kind and taken from us too soon. I don’t begrudge my stepsisters their relationship with her. Their biological mother was a waste of space, but my stepsister is pregnant with a girl and plans to name her Amelia. I know on a certain level she wants to honor the memory of my mother since this is the first granddaughter, but the news made me vomit. It is stupid. It is irrational. I am in a committed relationship, but we are miles away from marriage and kids—but it is my name. It is my mother. It should be my daughter. I can’t tell my stepdad or my stepsisters. It will hurt them. I don’t want to hurt them. But I can’t stand the idea of this child being Amelia—it makes me want to scream and cry. My boyfriend tells me that if we have a girl, we can call her Amy or Lia or switch up my mother’s middle and first name. He tells me I need to not freak out and just accept this. He is right and I know he is right, but I can’t accept this on a gut level.

A: I’m so sorry that this has been so painful for you, and I hope you can ease up on yourself in some ways. It may help to remind yourself that you don’t have to “accept” your stepsister’s decision in the sense of liking it or feeling good about it. You can’t control it, and it would be wrong to object or to ask her to reconsider, but you can feel as angry and frustrated and grief-stricken as you need to in private, and to work through those feelings as best you can on your own. It’s also true that while your relationship to your mother is distinctly your own, she was also a mother to your stepsisters, and their relationship to her belongs to them. Something can be painful and true and reasonable all at the same time. If you have a daughter someday and you would like to name her Amelia, you can—and you don’t have to come up with nicknames or approximations either. Plenty of kids share a name with their cousin, especially if that name has family significance, and it doesn’t dilute the meaning or significance. Whatever confusion may result is usually dependent on proximity and is fairly easily dispelled with time. Scream, cry, write in your journal, vent to a trusted friend, talk to a therapist. Let yourself feel angry and irrational and territorial and whatever else comes up for you. Don’t try to stifle your feelings—just make sure that you’re able to process them in appropriate contexts so that you can offer friendliness or at the very least non-intrusive neutrality to your stepsister.

Q. Who gets the dog in the divorce? I am a cis woman divorcing my husband of four years (I initiated it). We had an unhealthy dynamic in which I prioritized his needs over mine. He has chronic, severe depression and hasn’t been participating in his treatment, he has problems with drugs (which he refuses to acknowledge), and after losing his last job he’s been so picky that his job search has been totally ineffective. I’ve been supporting him financially and emotionally for years with nothing in return and finally decided I’m done.

The only issue in our divorce is our dog, who we adopted together and is equally bonded to us both. My ex and I both want to keep her permanently. We’ve been sharing custody since we separated with the understanding that this is temporary until we agree on who will get her. My lawyer hasn’t been much help in this regard because in our state, dogs are considered property. My ex is moving out of state soon, and we’ve agreed I’ll have custody for the first few months. He thinks he’ll get a job and move back to our state in that same time frame. Here’s my question: After he moves, should I continue to compromise and share custody while my lawyer makes my case to his lawyers? I am tempted to be more adversarial and refuse to share custody once he leaves (which is my right) unless and until I am legally required to do otherwise. Would that be a terrible thing to do? Is there an option here I’m not seeing? I’ve tried to make my case to him directly to no avail.

A: If I’m understanding you correctly, you’re proposing to exercise your legal right to maintain physical custody of your dog while your husband is out of state. I don’t see anything terrible in that. You and your ex in fact seem to have already agreed to this arrangement. He seems convinced that he’s going to get a job and move back soon without any trouble. Maybe he will, and maybe he won’t, but it’s impossible to predict that from here. I imagine you’ll have a stronger legal case for maintaining sole custody if the dog’s been with you for the duration of your ex’s absence from the state, too. You’re not proposing anything illegal, and it doesn’t sound like you’ve made promises to your ex you don’t intend to keep, since you’ve made your case to him about wanting to keep the dog. You also both seem to be clear that shared custody is a temporary arrangement and that you’re both seeking permanent custody, so it’s not as if you’re doing something underhanded and selfish while your ex just wants to share. I can’t promise you that you’ll never feel guilty or conflicted about your decision, so it’s really a matter of figuring out whether you think this guilt is appropriate or misplaced. Obviously it’s a painful situation, but I don’t see any other options besides either letting your ex have the dog (which it doesn’t seem like you want to do), sharing custody permanently (which neither of you seems interested in), or seeking custody yourself.

Q. Am I asexual? Recently I’ve been doing a lot of therapy and soul-searching. I believe I may be asexual. I used to enjoy sex, but now I view it as a painful chore. I want to tell my partner, but I know his reaction will be dubious at best. But I have to explore this part of myself. I feel like I would be happier single and living with my dogs instead of worrying my partner will try to initiate sex. How do I tell him I’m done? We’ve been together 25 years, if that matters, but we’re not married and don’t have children.

A: I understand why you fear your partner’s dubious (“at best”) reaction, but consider the alternatives: If you don’t say anything and simply stop having sex with him without explanation, your relationship will suffer, and if you don’t say anything and try to fake enjoyment during something that now feels like a “painful chore,” your relationship will suffer (not to mention your own individual suffering). I don’t know if you used to enjoy sex under a different set of conditions or whether you now consider that previous enjoyment unrecoverable or dependent on not yet having realized you don’t like sex at all; your partner may have questions for you there, and it may prove useful to you both to talk about that, even if “useful” in this case just looks like a reasonably amicable breakup. You say you have to explore this part of yourself and that you believe you’d be happier single than in a sexual relationship—that’s useful information. If you think he’d be interested in a relationship where he pursues sex with other people but you two don’t necessarily break up (and, of course, if you’d be interested in the same) you can broach that subject too.

But I notice you don’t say anything about your feelings for him or about the 25 years you’ve spent together in your letter. If you don’t want to try to redefine your relationship together, if you instead simply want to live happily with your dogs, then you should tell your partner you want to break up. But whether you tell him you no longer want to be in this relationship or you just don’t want to have sex anymore, don’t let the fear of his reaction hold you back. Assume that he will be sad and hurt. That doesn’t mean he’ll never recover, or that keeping your mouth shut is a healthy alternative. Tell him what you want, and listen to what he has to say in response. Whether you two decide to try to adapt together or to part ways after 25 years, honest disappointment and frustration is a lot easier to deal with than confusion, silence, and trying to read your partner’s mind.

Q. Re: Baby names and cultural appropriation: Why is a white lady asking a white guy if this is OK? If anything is “problematic,” it’s that.

A: I can’t agree that two white people having a conversation about race and racism is inherently “problematic,” or that the letter writer should take my advice at the exclusion of her partner or any of the other Black people in her life. I took the driving force of her question to be “How can I understand, support, and nurture my future Black and biracial child, and what are the ways in which my own assumptions and beliefs about whiteness might impede such support?” That’s a meaningful question, and one worth considering seriously and extensively, and I wish her and her family all the best.

Q. Re: My neighbor thinks he’s family: Some people blithely ignore cues like the one you suggested. I’m definitely projecting here, but I’m curious what advice you’d give if that happens. I’m thinking of a family member to whom I’ll say, “OK, I’ve got to hang up!” and she’ll go, “OK! I’ll talk to you soon! Did I tell you what Suzanne said to me at work today?” Because it’s the phone, I can hang up, but it happens in person too. What would you do if he doesn’t leave or is the type to go, “Oh, in that case I’ll pull up a chair!”?

A: I’m not too worried about this neighbor just yet because it doesn’t seem like the letter writer has offered any cues yet, just engaged in friendly, long-winded conversations while secretly hoping he wanders away. But yes, at that point, you just have to be firm: “Sorry, this is our family time, and you’ll have to go.” It’s not fun, but it’s not impossible either. And if the alternative is building a beautiful backyard fire pit that you never use because you’re too afraid to be firm with your neighbor—well, the choice is clear.

Q. Re: My neighbor thinks he’s family: I think the letter writer might need to be a bit firmer if the neighbor has a habit of sitting down with them for hours. It seems as if this neighbor isn’t the best at picking up social cues, so a subtle “Thanks for stopping by! We’re going to get back to [dinner/our conversation/stargazing], so I can’t keep catching up, but have a great rest of the evening” could be met with “Oh, I’d love to join you for [dinner/stargazing/whatever]” as he sits himself down. I think it could help, if the letter writer is willing, to set up a time once every month/week/fortnight/whatever to invite your neighbor over, and in setting up this arrangement make clear that that is the only time you are entertaining.

A: I agree that, since the neighbor sounds like a generally pleasant person and the letter writer seems somewhat interested in being friendly, setting up occasional, specific get-togethers is a lovely idea, and that it should still be accompanied by firm signals when a spontaneous conversation is eating into family dinner time. So yes, if he doesn’t say good night when the letter writer says, “Well, we’ve got to get back to stargazing,” then he’ll still have to follow it up with something firmer. But he can do it! “Sorry, you can’t join us” is still polite.

Danny M. Lavery: Thanks, everyone! See you all next week.

If you missed Part 1 of this week’s chat, click here to read it.

Discuss this column on our Facebook page!

From Care and Feeding

Q. My toddler likes to make himself throw up for fun: This is a bit gross so read at your own risk. My kid is 15 months old and has discovered he can make himself vomit by sticking his finger down his throat. He only does this when he is in a high chair or car seat. If I try to stop him from doing it, he enjoys the attention and will escalate the behavior, so I’m thinking I need to let it happen, but it’s pretty hard to be chill when your kid is covered in vomit. Advice? Commiseration? Read what Nicole Cliffe had to say.

Danny M. Lavery’s new book, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, is out now.



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My Kid Is Easy to Pick On. Can I Prevent Him From Being Bullied?

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Episode Notes

This episode is brought to you by Target. See how easy it is to get ready for school this year, with Target.

On this week’s bonus episode: Elizabeth and Jamilah are joined by Emily Bazelon to discuss bullying. A lot of interactions are classified as bullying, but what instances should actually be classified as bullying? Can parents prevent bullying? When should parents step in? How should children respond if bullying occurs?

Mentioned on the show: Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy by Emily Bazelon.

Join us on Facebook and email us at momanddad@slate.com to ask us new questions, tell us what you thought of today’s show, and give us ideas about what we should talk about in future episodes.

Podcast produced by Rosemary Belson.



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Dear Care and Feeding: My Mother-in-Law Told My 12-Year Old to Lose Weight and “Fix” Her Face

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Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group.

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am white, and my husband is Korean. We have two daughters who are 12 and 15. My husband and I both come from big families, but his is tighter-knit than mine, and they all live close by. Of his four siblings, three have kids, and our daughters are close with their cousins.

We had a socially distanced family picnic, and when we were saying goodbye, my mother-in-law started commenting on how nice our older daughter looked. But then, she started telling my younger daughter that she needed to start losing weight if she wanted to look like her sister, and if she was in Korea, she would have taken her to get her eyelids and nose “fixed” much earlier “because when you do it now it won’t look as natural.”

My younger daughter was mortified, and my older daughter didn’t even say anything! I was shocked and tried to bring it up in the car, but my older daughter just said it was “how Grandma always was” and my younger daughter didn’t say anything. When we tried to talk to her about it at home, she said the same thing, that she was just old. We are both very angry at my mother-in-law, and are worried about how this impacted our daughters’ self-esteem. What can we do to get them to open up, and how can we confront Grandma?

—Beauty Queens

Dear BQ,

I think it’s telling that your older daughter was unsurprised by your mother-in-law’s behavior—either the blasé reaction of a teen or this is something she’s heard before, even if you haven’t.

I think you’re right to be angry at your mother-in-law, but she said what she said, and it’s a challenge to now undo the effect of that on your daughters beyond pointing out the obvious: that it’s ridiculous, it’s her opinion, and that losing weight or plastic surgery (!) are not something either of your beautiful children ought to be thinking about in the least.

Fortunately for you, you’ve been communicating to your daughter for years—explicit and tacit messages about your belief in their worth and intellect and yes, their beauty too. One unkind remark from their grandmother can’t undo that, or entirely shatter their self-image.

Still, it’s hurtful to tell anyone, let alone a still-developing child, that they need to worry about such things. So you should confront Grandma in specific terms: that she’s not to ever say such things to either of your children, and that if she does, there will be real consequences in terms of her ability to spend time with her granddaughters. Cultural and generational difference is at play here, but that’s no excuse; stick up for what you value as parents, and stick up for your kids, too.

• If you missed Sunday’s Care and Feeding column, read it here.

• Discuss this column in the Slate Parenting Facebook group!

Dear Care and Feeding,

Due to her mom’s COVID-induced work challenges, we unexpectedly had my 14-year old stepdaughter, Alex, with us for the last months of eighth grade this spring, and Alex will be with us for ninth grade this fall.  She usually spends summers with us and the school year with her mom in a different state.

She’s a bright and curious kid who excelled at her local school, but things didn’t go as well here last spring, where she socialized well but struggled with grade-level reading and writing. We thought part of it might have been the upheaval, but we worked with her teachers and pediatrician to get her screened for any possibly missed diagnoses. The consensus was that her previous state had lower expectations for grade-level work than our local public school, and that she’s a normal kid who’s behind on instruction.

We communicated with her mom throughout the process and sent on the teachers’ recommendations for reading and writing catch-up for her to try at her mom’s over the summer. Now fall is coming, and both her parents agree that they’d like her to be here for school. Alex is upset and angry about it all. Add in remote learning, and the likelihood that I’ll be doing most of the communication with her teachers and encouraging her at home, and it feels overwhelming. How do we work together to get her on track for a better fall? Her mom is a solid co-parent, but very overwhelmed at work and not as concerned about education as my husband or I am, so Mom will not be leading this.

—Suddenly a Schoolteacher

Dear SaS,

The particulars of your case aside, what you’re going through is playing out in households across the country, mine included. Obviously, parenting a teenager is hard work. That this one isn’t accustomed to living with you during the school year is one complication; the ongoing pandemic is of course another. But Alex is fortunate to have three parents on her side!

Education is your priority, and you probably already know that the way to navigate this with your kid is to get organized—printing schedules, stocking up on supplies, making a dedicated workspace—and get involved: communicate with the teachers, familiarize yourself with Alex’s schedule and what her different classes require of her.

It’s a lot but don’t forget that your husband is around, too. You don’t mention whether he’s working, but perhaps you can enlist him to take an active role as well. If you monitor Alex’s video classes and work during the day, maybe he can step in to help with homework, or attend virtual school meetings and the like.

The other thing I’d like to remind you of is to be generous to both yourself and your stepdaughter. These are extraordinary times, and high school is a fraught time, and parents who aren’t themselves teachers are going to have difficulties! I share your respect for education, but I’d point out that there are many different ways to inculcate that. Not every worksheet needs to be done, sometimes teens run late or space on homework, and the occasional below-average mark doesn’t correlate to actual intelligence. You should push Alex to the standard you know she can meet, but you should remember that sometimes a kid does need to ditch the schoolwork and sit outside on the phone with friends, or space out in front of a movie. The tough truth is that this academic period will be a lost year for a lot of students. You can do a lot to keep Alex on track, but you’re one woman, not a school. Good luck to you; good luck to all of us.

Help! How can I support Slate so I can keep reading all the advice from Dear Prudence, Care and Feeding, Ask a Teacher, and How to Do It? Answer: Join Slate Plus.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I have 17-year-old identical twin sons, Joey and Nick, who are starting their senior year soon. Since they were little, they have stuck close together in school, and have always been best friends. Nick is a serious swimmer, and has been scouted for swimming at UCLA, which he plans to attend. Joey is now saying that he also wants to go to UCLA, but whenever he mentions it, Nick looks uncomfortable. I asked Nick how he feels about Joey’s plan, and he says he doesn’t want them to be near each other forever, but doesn’t want to start a big fight so he’s not saying anything. He asked me if I could drop hints to Joey that he doesn’t like the idea or convince him to apply elsewhere. I feel conflicted. They’re 17, and should be able to have a mature discussion, but I also know the feeling of knowing you’re going to start a fight and avoiding it at all costs. Should I talk to Joey or make Nick do it? Either way, what should I say?

—College Conundrum

Dear CC,

While I understand your desire to step aside and let your boys sort this out, I am also mindful of the fact that this might be one of the last times you’ll be called in to referee. That Nick asked for your help is telling, but I think he’s the one you should talk to, not his brother.

Remind him of how close they are and have always been. Reassure him that he’s not wrong to want some independence now, and that it’s best for his relationship with his brother if they are able to discuss this candidly. It doesn’t have to be a big fight—instead, it can be a big opportunity, a chance to talk about what the next chapter of their life looks like. Both boys might be craving independence; both boys might be fearing separation. How they determine to negotiate that could help them avoid resentment and ensure their particular bond endures over the coming years.

They’re still teens, and still at home, so you can step in should this play out as confrontation instead of conversation. But try to guide them toward finding a resolution on their own, much as you taught them to tie shoelaces or brush teeth, practicing for independence. Good luck.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I got a divorce two years ago because he couldn’t handle my coming out as bisexual. My long-term girlfriend just moved in. Our 5-year-old daughter adores her, and our 9-year old son always seemed to get along with her. He got upset with us recently when I took away the iPad for ruining his sister’s project on purpose and shouted that we were a “just a pair of d*kes” and he didn’t have to listen to us. He was sent to his room, had to apologize, and had devices taken away for a month (and we will definitely be watching documentaries on homophobia later).

When he cooled off, I explained that it was never, ever OK to use slurs and asked if he’d heard it at school. He said that it was what his dad called us, and that his dad told him he was a man and didn’t have to listen to us. I was furious, but not exactly shocked. My ex had always been a little conservative, although never homophobic. I don’t know what to do now though. I already have majority and sole legal custody, but should I try to get sole custody? Should I confront my ex? What else should I talk to my kids about?

—Disappointed in Dad

Dear DiD.

I’m so very sorry. It’s incredibly cruel when acrimonious divorce affects kids, and this is a terrible thing your husband has done to his children—to give his son hateful language, and further teach him to direct it at you and your partner, is inexcusable. It’s immaterial whether he’s a homophobe or simply an embittered ex; telling a boy that he is a man, and therefore excused from having to obey his mother or any woman, is poisonous and absurd.

I think you should explain this to him. Perhaps do it in writing if you don’t trust your ability to talk to him calmly. I’m not saying he’ll respond rationally to reason, but I think you have something to say and you’ll feel better saying it.

Whether this rises to the level of your securing sole custody of the children is something you can answer and I cannot. In my opinion, your ex clearly did a hateful and awful thing. But it may be a priority for you to provide your children some relationship with their father, or there might be some other factor that makes you desire some support from this man.

It’s easy for me or some other disinterested party to say “go nuclear,” but I understand that life is often more complex. So I would begin by communicating to your ex that hate speech is beyond the pale, and in particular this kind of bigotry toward the kids’ own mother. Perhaps he will understand; perhaps he will learn something. If he does not, I hope that you will talk to the lawyer or whomever you worked with on the separation and seek their advice. I’m really sorry this happened, and wish you well.

—Rumaan

More Advice From Slate

My 21-year-old niece is six weeks pregnant. She currently has no job, no permanent address, no health insurance, and no partner. My partner and I recently bought a house and have a spare bedroom. When I heard my niece was pregnant, my first thought was that if she didn’t want to keep it, we should take it. Should we?



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The Best Movies and TV Shows Coming to Netflix, HBO, Amazon Prime, and Hulu in September

Kramer vs. Kramer, Prometheus, The Good Place Season 4, and The Muppets are just a few of the great titles coming to streaming this month. Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by NBC, Columbia Pictures, Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation, and Disney Enterprises.

Every month, tons of new movies and TV shows become available to stream for free for U.S. subscribers to Netflix, HBO Max, Amazon Prime, and Hulu. With so many different streaming services, it can be hard to keep track of them all—especially if you belong to more than one. Below, we present to you the ultimate streaming guide. We’ll let you decide which service has the best new titles. (All titles arrive Sept. 1 unless otherwise specified.)

Netflix
Sister, Sister. The WB

Must Watch
Back to the Future

Good Watch
Adrift
Children of the Sea
Glory
Residue (2020)
Wildlife
Zathura
The Lost Okoroshi (Sept. 4)
Midnight Special (Sept. 7)
Waiting for “Superman” (Sept. 7)

Boogedy Boogedy Boogedy Boogedy Shooby Doowop She-Watch
Grease

Binge Watch
Borgen Season 1-3
Sister, Sister Season 1-6
Greenleaf Season 5 (Sept. 10)
Girlfriends Seasons 1-8 (Sept. 11)
The Good Place Season 4 (Sept. 26)

Family Watch
Barbie Princess Adventure
The Muppets
(2011)
Muppets Most Wanted
Puss in Boots
The Smurfs
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (Sept. 11)

Thirst Watch
Magic Mike

Baked Watch
Pineapple Express

Nostalgia Watch
Anaconda
Back to the Future Part II
Back to the Future Part III
Barbershop

If You’re Bored
Coneheads
Not Another Teen Movie
Possession (2002)
The Producers (2005)
The Promised Neverland Season 1
Red Dragon (2002)
Sex Drive
America’s Book of Secrets Season 2 (Sept. 15)
Ancient Aliens Season 3 (Sept. 15)
Cold Case Files Classic Season 1 (Sept. 15)
The Curse of Oak Island Season 4 (Sept. 15)
Pawn Stars Season 2 (Sept. 15)
The Rap Game Season 2 (Sept. 15)
The Smurfs 2 (Sept. 15)
The Universe Season 2 (Sept. 15)
Kiss the Ground (Sept. 22)
Waiting… (Sept. 23)
Real Steel (Sept. 24)
Nasty C (Sept. 25)
Bad Teacher (Sept. 27)
Van Helsing Season 4 (Sept. 27)
Welcome to Sudden Death (Sept. 29)
Wentworth Season 8 (Sept. 30)

Netflix Programming
Bookmarks: Celebrating Black Voices
The Boss Baby: Get That Baby!
Felipe Esparza: Bad Decisions
La Partita / The Match
True: Friendship Day
Bad Boy Billionaires: India (Sept. 2)
Chef’s Table: BBQ (Sept. 2)
Freaks – You’re One of Us (Sept. 2)
Afonso Padilha: Alma de Pobre (Sept. 3)
Love, Guaranteed (Sept. 3)
Young Wallander (Sept. 3)
Away (Sept. 4)
I’m Thinking of Ending Things (Sept. 4)
Spirit Riding Free: Riding Academy Part 2 (Sept. 4)
My Octopus Teacher (Sept. 7)
Record of Youth (Sept. 7)
StarBeam Season 2  (Sept. 8)
Corazón loco / So Much Love to Give (Sept. 9)
Get Organized with The Home Edit (Sept. 9)
La Línea: Shadow of Narco (Sept. 9)
Mignonnes / Cuties (Sept. 9)
The Social Dilemma (Sept. 9)
The Babysitter: Killer Queen (Sept.10) 
The Gift Season 2 (Sept.10) 
The Idhun Chronicles (Sept.10) 
Julie and the Phantoms (Sept.10) 
The Duchess (Sept. 11)
Family Business Season 2 (Sept. 11)
Pets United (Sept. 11)
Pokémon Journeys: The Series Part 2 (Sept. 11)
Se busca papá / Dad Wanted (Sept. 11)
Hope Frozen: A Quest to Live Twice (Sept. 15)
Izzy’s Koala World (Sept. 15)
Michael McIntyre: Showman (Sept. 15)
Taco Chronicles: Volume 2 (Sept. 15)
Baby Season 3 (Sept. 16)
Challenger: The Final Flight (Sept. 16)
Criminal: UK Season 2 (Sept. 16)
The Devil All The Time (Sept. 16)
MeatEater Season 9 (Sept. 16)
The Paramedic (Sept. 16)
Signs Season 2 (Sept. 16)
Sing On! (Sept. 16)
Dragon’s Dogma (Sept. 17)
The Last Word (Sept. 17)
American Barbecue Showdown (Sept. 18)
Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous (Sept. 18)
Ratched (Sept. 18)
A Love Song for Latasha (Sept. 21)
Chico Bon Bon: Monkey with a Tool Belt Season 3 (Sept. 22)
Jack Whitehall: Travels with My Father Season 4 (Sept. 22)
The Playbook (Sept. 22)
Mighty Express (Sept. 22)
Enola Holmes (Sept. 23)
The Chef Show Season 2 (Sept. 24)
A Perfect Crime (Sept. 25)
Country-Ish (Sept. 25)
The School Nurse Files (Sept. 25)
Sneakerheads (Sept. 25)
Whose Vote Counts, Explained (Sept. 28)
Michelle Buteau: Welcome to Buteaupia (Sept. 29)
American Murder: The Family Next Door  (Sept. 30)

HBO Max
Over the Garden Wall. Cartoon Network

Must Watch
Badlands
The Conversation (1974)
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Good Watch
93Queen 
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
The Cider House Rules
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)
City Of God
Clerks
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (2008)
Dave
Dog Day Afternoon 
Dolores Claiborne
Election (1999)
Fatal Attraction
A Hidden Life
In Good Company 
JFK
Lean on Me
Marathon Man
Midnight Run
Netizens
An Officer and a Gentleman
Point Break
(1991)
Private Benjamin (1980)
Prometheus (2012)
Reversal of Fortune
A Room With A View
Star 80 
Three Kings 
V for Vendetta
The Wedding Singer 

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
When We Were Kings 
The Invisible Man (2020) (Sept. 19)
Just Mercy (Sept. 26)

Boogedy Boogedy Boogedy Boogedy Shooby Doowop She-Watch
Grease

Binge Watch
Black Dynamite 
Miracle Workers Season 1

Timey-Wimey Watch
Doctor Who Season 12

Family Watch
Charlotte’s Web (1973)
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
OK K.O.! Let’s Be Heroes Seasons 1-3
Over the Garden Wall 
Over The Hedge
Spies in Disguise (Sept. 5)

Nostalgia Watch
The Bodyguard (1992)
Idlewild
Snakes on a Plane

Sandra Bullock Watch
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood 
The Lake House (2006)
Miss Congeniality 
Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
Murder by Numbers 
Two Weeks Notice

Oldies Watch
Butterfield 8  
Father of the Bride (1950)
Lassie Come Home (1943)
Life with Father
Little Women (1949)
Sunrise at Campobello
Tennessee Johnson

If You’re Bored
All The Right Moves
The Astronaut Farmer 
Ballmastrz: 9009 2018
Bandidas 
Barnyard
Blood Diamond
The Brak Show 
Caveman (1981)
Clara’s Heart 
Cold Creek Manor 
Congo 
Cop Out (2010)
Date Movie (Unrated Version)
The Devil Inside 
Final Destination 5
Flight Of The Phoenix (2004)
Forensic Files II Season 1
Going the Distance (2010)
A Good Year 
Harlem Nights
Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law 
Heartbreakers (2001)
Honeymoon in Vegas 
Impractical Jokers Seasons 5-8
Impractical Jokers: After Party 
Impractical Jokers: The Movie 
Infomercials 
Jackson (2016)
Joe Pera Talks With You 
Joyful Noise 
A Kiss Before Dying (1991)
Lazor Wulf Season 1
Little (2019)
Lost in Space (1998)
A Man Apart (2003)
Mao Mao, Heroes of Pure Heart Episodes 1-30
The Mexican 
Miracle At St. Anna 
Moral Orel Seasons 1-3
Observe and Report 
Off the Air 
The Operative (2019)
The Outsiders (1983)
PT 109 
Red Riding Hood (2011)
The Replacements (2000)
Replicas 
Sealab 2021 Seasons 1-5
See No Evil (2006)
Sin Cielo 
The Sitter
Shrek Forever After

Son of the Mask 
Squidbillies Seasons 1-12
Superjail! Seasons 1-4
Tigtone Season 1
Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Seasons 1-5
Too Beautiful: Our Right to Fight 2018
Victoria and Abdul 
The Wind and the Lion 
Young Sheldon Seasons 1-3
Lo Dejo Cuando Quiera (Aka I Can Quit Whenever I Want) (Sept. 4)
Detention Adventure Season 1 (Sept. 11)
Huracán (Aka Hurricane) (Sept. 11)
Make It Big, Make It Small Season 1 (Sept. 11)
Re:ZERO Season 2 (Sept. 15)
Weston Woods (Sept. 17)
Habla Now (Sept. 18)
La Musiquita Por Dentro (Sept. 18)
Fandango at the Wall  (Sept. 25)

HBO Original Programming
Unpregnant (Sept. 10)
Coastal Elites (Sept. 12)
Agents of Chaos Part 1 (Sept. 23)
Agents of Chaos Part 2  (Sept. 23)

Season Premieres
Raised by Wolves Season 1(Sept. 3)
The Third Day Series Premiere (Sept. 14)
We Are Who We Are Series Premiere (Sept. 14)
Patria Series Premiere (Sept. 27)

Marathon Man. Paramount Pictures

Must Watch
Close Encounters Of The Third Kind 
The Graduate

Good Watch
A Birder’s Guide To Everything
Abe & Phil’s Last Poker Game
The Bank Job (2008)
The Birdcage
Bitter Melon
C.O.G.
Casino Royale (2006)
Defense Of The Realm
Don’t Talk To Irene
Eaten By Lions
The Festival
Kramer Vs. Kramer
The Last House On The Left (1972) 
Microbe And Gasoline
Patriots Day 
The Yes Men
Judy (2019) (Sept. 25)

Family Watch
Codename: Kids Next Door Season 1
Hero Elementary Season 1
 
If You’re Bored
1/1
1 Million Happy Nows
A Chef’s Life Season 1
Addicted To Fresno
Alex Cross 
American Dragons
Bachelor Lions 
Barney Thomson
Beach Party (1963)
Bewitched (2005)
Big Time (1988)
The Billion Dollar Hobo (1977)
The Blood Pact Season 1
Bully (2019)
The Bureau Season 1 (2015)
Carrington
Cedar Cove Season 1
The Celtic World Season 1
The Crimson Field Season 1
Dark Matter (2007)
De-Lovely
Die, Monster, Die! 
Dr. Goldfoot And The Bikini Machine
The Dunning Man
Employee Of The Month (2006)
Enemy Within (2019)
Extreme Justice 
Face 2 Face (2016)
Gas-s-s-s
George Gently Season 1
The Go-Getters (2018)
The Hanoi Hilton
The Haunted Palace
The House On Carroll Street 
How to Become a SuperStar Student, 2nd Edition Season 1
I’d Like To Be Alone Now
I’m Dying Up Here Season 1
I’m Not Here 
The Jack Benny Show Season 1
Kart Racer
Keeping Faith Season 1
To Keep The Light
Lakeview Terrace
Last Hope with Troy Dunn Season 1
Lord Love A Duck
Man Of La Mancha
The Mechanic (1972)
Miss Nobody 
Muscle Beach Party
Music Within
Nazi Mega Weapons Season 1
No Way To Live
Rambo
The Roy Rogers TV Show Season 1
The Ring Thing
Sex And The City: The Movie
Sex And The City 2
Slash (2016)
Slow Burn (2005)
Snapshots (2018)
Stuck With You Season 1
Sunlight Jr.
Texas Metal Season 1
The Turkey Bowl 
Twice-Told Tales
Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls
The Video Dead 
The Visitors (1972)
Warrior Road 
Weather Girl
The Weight Of Water (2002)
What Children Do
What If It Works?
The White Bus 
Whoever Slew Auntie Roo?
The Woods (2006)
Wrong Man Season 1
Yongary: Monster From The Deep
Zoom (2016)
Hell On The Border (Sept. 2)
Blackbird (2020) (Sept. 16)
Gemini Man (Sept. 18)
The Addams Family (2019) (Sept. 22)
Force of Nature (2020) (Sept. 28)
Inherit The Viper (Sept. 28)
Trauma Center (Sept. 29)

Amazon Originals
Dino Dana The Movie (Sept. 4)
The Boys Season 2 (Sept. 4)
All In: The Fight for Democracy (Sept. 18)
Utopia Season 1 (Sept. 25)

Judy. LD Entertainment and Roadside Attractions

Must Watch
The Terminator

Good Watch
Back to School (1986)
The Bank Job (2008)
The Birdcage
Evil Dead II 
The Festival 
Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
Hoosiers
The Impossible (2012)
Julia (1977)
The Last Boy Scout 
The Last House on the Left (1972)
The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane 
Mississippi Burning
Pieces of April 
Some Kind of Wonderful 
Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her
Wanted (2008)
Prisoners (Sept. 10)
Babyteeth (Sept. 18)
The Fight (2020) (Sept.18)
Judy (2019) (Sept. 25)
Southbound (Sept. 29)

Goose Watch
Top Gun (1986)

Family Watch
Pee-wee’s Big Adventure 
Trolls World Tour
Teen Titans Go! Vs. Teen Titans (Sept. 24)

Nostalgia Watch
Practical Magic
Stargate

Three Seashells Watch
Demolition Man

Twihard Marathon
Twilight (2008)
The Twilight Saga: New Moon 
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse 
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 

If You’re Bored 
Mike Tyson Mysteries Season 4
Jeopardy! Episode Refresh
50 First Dates (2004)
Absolute Power 
Aeon Flux
American Dragons
An American Haunting
Any Given Sunday 
Anywhere but Here
Bad Girls from Mars 
Because I Said So 
Broken Lizard’s Club Dread
Call Me (1988)
Carrington 
The Cold Light Of Day (2012)
Cool Blue
Criminal Law 
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
De-Lovely 
Desperate Hours (1990)
Deuces Wild
Employee of the Month (2006)
The End of Violence 
Extreme Justice 
Hanoi Hilton 
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay 
The House on Carroll Street
I Feel Pretty
Invasion U.S.A. (1985)
Jessabelle 
Love Is All There Is 
Mad Money
Man of La Mancha 
The Mechanic (1972)
Mr. North 
Music Within 
Not Another Teen Movie 
Notorious (2009)
The Omen (2006)
Outbreak
Rambo 
Reasonable Doubt
Religulous
Slow Burn (2007)
StarDog and TurboCat (Sept. 18)
This World, Then the Fireworks 
Turkey Bowl (2019)
Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls
The Weight of Water (2002)
The Woods (2006)
Hell on the Border (Sept. 2)
Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life Sept. 3)
Awoken (Sept. 6) 
My Hero Academia Episodes 64 - 76 (Sept. 11) 
The Good Shepherd (2006) (Sept. 17)
Sherman’s Showcase: Black History Month Special (Sept. 18)
Gemini Man (Sept. 18)
The Haunted (2020) (Sept. 20)
The Addams Family (2019) (Sept. 22)
Cosmos: Possible Worlds: Special (Sept. 23)
If Loving You Is Wrong Complete Season 5 (Sept. 23)
Inherit the Viper (Sept. 29)
Trauma Center (Sept. 29)

Season Premieres
American Ninja Warrior Season 12  (Sept. 8)
Brother vs. Brother Season 7 Premiere (Sept. 8)
Archer Season 11 (Sept. 16)
Filthy Rich (Sept. 22)
The Wilderness of Error: Series Premiere (Sept. 26)
Bless the Harts Season 2 (Sept. 28)
Bob’s Burgers Season 11 (Sept. 28)
Family Guy Season 19 (Sept. 28)
Fargo Season 4 (Sept. 28)
The Simpsons Season 32 (Sept. 28)

Hulu Original Programming
Madagascar: A Little Wild Season 1A (Sept. 7)
Woke Complete Season 1 (Sept. 9)
Pen15 Complete Season 2 (Sept. 18)



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Could a Kennedy Lose in Massachusetts?

Rep. Joseph Kennedy III campaigns in the Roxbury neighborhood of Boston on Aug. 1 Keiko Hiromi/AFLO/Reuters

Most of the country’s political conversation is focused on the November general election. And that conversation might have stayed focused on the general if we hadn’t seen this political ad about the Democratic Senate primary in Massachusetts. The Massachusetts primary is Tuesday, and this ad, released by incumbent Sen. Ed Markey just a few weeks ago, was designed to take over the conversation. It’s three minutes long and refers to “revolution” and “new deal” legislation. It notes Markey’s work with Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. And then, the ad takes unmistakable aim at Markey’s opponent in the race, Rep. Joseph Kennedy III.

This ad shows how the Massachusetts Senate primary has become a contest of who’s more likely to shake things up in Washington: 74-year-old Ed Markey, a fixture in Congress since the Carter administration, or 39-year-old Joe Kennedy, elected to the House in 2012? I spoke with Victoria McGrane, a political correspondent for the Boston Globe, to help me get a better sense of the Markey-Kennedy matchup and what this primary can tell us about the strength of the progressive brand—and the Kennedy name—in Massachusetts. Our conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Ray Suarez: What stood out to you in that Markey ad?

Victoria McGrane: The first thing is just the general image that Markey portrayed, which is obviously very powerful. That he’s had this career of being a leader of movements—fearless out in front. But the reality of Markey is a little more mixed than that ad would lead you to believe. One good example is the very first consequential vote he had to take as a senator in 2013 when the Obama administration was asking for the authority to use military force in Syria. And Markey was on the committee that had to approve that request before it went to the full Senate. The request was being made by Secretary of State John Kerry, who had helped make sure that Ed Markey got his Senate seat and had endorsed him and supported him. And Markey voted present. He didn’t vote yes. He didn’t vote no. He didn’t take a stand. And he was the only member on that committee to do that. A number of Democrats who have worked with Markey throughout his career say that is more the Ed Markey that they know: somebody who was very cautious at times.

Long before Joe Kennedy ever jumped into this race, Ed Markey was seen as incredibly vulnerable. So that was the chatter in the political circles in Massachusetts: Who was going to take on Ed Markey? And it seems that Kennedy surprised everybody by being the one to do it, because he hadn’t been signaling that he was really laying the groundwork for this, but he very clearly made a calculation that this was a risk worth taking because there was a shot at it.

If you’re in Texas or Idaho or California, I think we ought to remind people just what the Kennedy name means in Massachusetts. That it even makes it possible for an Ed Markey to portray himself as the outsider. 

Yes, the name is both a help and a hurt, I think, for Kennedy. When we see the results come in, it’ll be a real test of how much power does that name still have in Massachusetts politics. Some of the things we’ve seen in this race you would not have seen a decade ago. Markey has weaponized the Kennedy name against the congressman in ways that would have been just beyond the pale not that long ago. But a lot of the particularly young voters who have really flocked to Markey don’t have that same connection to the Kennedy brand in Massachusetts even that you would have seen a few decades ago. So, yes, being a Kennedy, it makes it hard, despite the name, to paint yourself as an outsider. And there’s been a big backlash against the congressman, whether fair or not, that he’s doing this because he feels like he is entitled to the seat. I don’t think that’s what Kennedy has ever said. But there’s a sense that we need to end dynasties. And that is a very powerful feeling among Markey’s base.

There’s a reason this primary race has become a test of progressive bona fides and the Kennedy name. Ideologically, Markey and Kennedy aren’t that far apart, right?

They’ve had to dig deep into the annals of each other’s voting history to come up with anything to complain about. Kennedy has also criticized Markey for being out of touch with Massachusetts. There’s been a couple of cases of constituents who’ve come forward with very damaging stories about how the senator treated them. The father of D.J. Henry, who is a young Black man from Massachusetts shot by police 10 years ago in upstate New York. Kennedy put out a video saying that when Henry and his wife went to Ed Markey asking for help, for justice, for their son, Markey dismissed them. In the meantime, Markey has really solidified this image of a progressive warrior, AOC’s hip grandpa, as one analyst put it to me recently.

Let’s talk about AOC a little more, because this race has turned out to be like a magnet dropped on a tabletop full of iron filings. Everybody has to line up somewhere, and some interesting outcomes have occurred. Nancy Pelosi, who served with Ed Markey for decades, has supported Joseph Kennedy. How does she explain that?

That was a real surprise that she decided to wade into a race like this at all. She has been a fierce defender of incumbents in the House, so her endorsement of Kennedy sparked all sorts of complaints of hypocrisy on the left, including from AOC, because Pelosi has this policy of blacklisting vendors who work for challengers to Democratic incumbents in the House. This is a Senate race, but Pelosi said she decided to get in because of these attacks the Markey campaign had started waging against the Kennedy family. Markey has made a lot of noise about allegations that Kennedy’s father, the former congressman, has been funneling money into a super PAC that’s run some negative ads against Markey.

And so I took the Pelosi endorsement on two levels. One, by all accounts, she really loves Joe Kennedy. She tapped him to deliver the Democratic response to Trump’s first State of the Union. She has a long connection to the Kennedy family. Her father ran JFK’s campaign in Maryland. And I really just read it as sort of a sign that she’s saying to Markey, who she worked with and was close allies with in the House, that, Hey, this is too much. The extent to which that’s going to help or hurt or change anything in this race? Probably not a lot. I’m not sure that anyone in Massachusetts is going to be swayed toward Joe Kennedy because of Nancy Pelosi.

At the same time, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, who famously primaried and took down a powerful incumbent, a member of the House leadership, instead of looking upon Joe Kennedy as in that same mold has endorsed Ed Markey.

If Markey wins, I think we can safely say that the most important political move he made was teaming up with AOC on the Green New Deal. That has really generated all this excitement among the younger progressive voters that has really transformed his image. And that’s been very important to how this race has gotten to where we had three polls out yesterday that show Markey is now in the lead.

Massachusetts has no shortage of other big political names deeply entrenched incumbents: Elizabeth Warren, Deval Patrick, Barney Frank, Jim McGovern. Have any of them come out and said anything one way or the other?

Elizabeth Warren has endorsed Ed Markey. Markey very clearly recognized he was vulnerable and locked down as many endorsements as he could very early. Warren endorsed him in February of 2019, if I recall correctly, so it’s unclear if she would have stayed neutral had she known Kennedy—whom she also has a very close relationship with—was getting in the race.

Is it too easy to overstate Massachusetts liberalism? I mean, this is a place that currently has a Republican governor. 

Yeah, who enjoys sky-high approval ratings from Democratic primary voters. I moved to Massachusetts in early 2018. And that has been one of the enduring lessons I have taken away from my move: It is not the stereotype that the rest of the country has of this bright blue, ultra-liberal state. Don’t forget that Joe Biden won the presidential primary here. Elizabeth Warren came in third. The Democrats here, there is a healthy portion who are more moderate.

Does this race advantage a Republican candidate in the general? Does either Ed Markey or Joseph Kennedy face a serious opponent in November? This isn’t all over after Tuesday’s votes are counted.

There’s two candidates running in the Republican primary. One is Dr. Shiva, who ran as an independent against Warren in the 2008 Senate campaign as a conspiracy theorist and all-around kind of an extreme guy. And the other candidate, Kevin O’Connor, is more of a traditional Republican. But there’s just really no evidence that either one of them has wide appeal in Massachusetts. I don’t think there is going to be a real race after this primary.

Get more news from Mary Harris every weekday.



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A Democratic Mud-Fight in Massachusetts

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Episode Notes

The Democratic primary for a Massachusetts Senate seat is becoming a test of progressive bona fides and the strength of the Kennedy family name. So perhaps it’s not surprising to learn that, when it comes to their voting records, the two candidates are extremely similar.

Guest: Victoria McGrane, political correspondent for the Boston Globe.

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Podcast production by Mary Wilson, Jayson De Leon, Danielle Hewitt, and Elena Schwartz.



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